You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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