rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
