my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I have aggressive nipples.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
