I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
