Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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