i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
