Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
