So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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