i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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