Can i not drive my cunt home
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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