Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My cat gives me a boner
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
