So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
