I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
