we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize