I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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