you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
