Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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