Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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