do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
