Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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