The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
