the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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