So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Is it penis luge time yet?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
