the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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