She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
