And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
