you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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