if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I need moral support for this bender
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
