Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Randomize
