my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
