he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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