God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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