Jerry, you need to find god
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
