This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Boobs are out for the taking
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize