the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
