I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
