Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Randomize
