I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
