He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
