my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize