I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
