the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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