She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
