Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
worst night to have a conscience
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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