I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
