I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
