Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
