There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I wear drunk well.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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