He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
