My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
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