It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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