Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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