Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
