Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
