Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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