i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
two words: eviction party
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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