If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
