The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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