Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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