i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I looked at my own cervix.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
