I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My bed smells like the plague
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