I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
