please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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