I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
