Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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