I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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