Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
