Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
