Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize