All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
