I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
